what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
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