I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I fill condoms, not promises.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
