Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
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