i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
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