Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
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