Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
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