Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
