the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
