I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
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