Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
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