i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Randomize
