and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
