you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
