Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
