What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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