haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
