look no pants
I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
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