I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
If I die, sorry about rent.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
