she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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