just come out here and I will go home with you...
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
