I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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