I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I can't put those talents on a resume
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
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