he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
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