I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I have already put on my inside pants.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
