We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Drake has all the answers
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Randomize
