saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Randomize
