Grow some girl-balls and come out already
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
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