At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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