why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Randomize
