I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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