I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
