I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I need water and some morals
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
