dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
