I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
It's official drugs can't kill me
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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