if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
