Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Randomize
