fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I just sucked dick on a ferry
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
