He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Randomize
