I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
