Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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