apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
