u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Randomize
