The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
