Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Randomize
