If you're really into hairy Serbian chicks, Cleveland has a lot to offer(216): We're going to cougar night, the serbian chicks are the best aged.
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
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