And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Randomize
