We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
