Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
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