5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
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