I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
