So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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