Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
