Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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