question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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