id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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