you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
My vagina is very pro this idea
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