I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
