Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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