Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
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