Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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