I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Randomize
