Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
