I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
