I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
