sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
