I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
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